WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
