Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize