Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
