grandma shit on top of the toilet
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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