her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
worst night to have a conscience
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
