if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
organizing the empties. That sober.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Randomize
