Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize