Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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