She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
