They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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