You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I am available for nakedness
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
