My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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