If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
