This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
