If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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