i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
