I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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