I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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