There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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