you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
