From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
