I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
