This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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