I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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