You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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