White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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