He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
