I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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