I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
