U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
