I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
