just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
