I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize