Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
