I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i think i have two assholes
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
