I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
