y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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