I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
