I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
