Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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