how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
