she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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