a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
