Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
