You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
