i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize