there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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