I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
