Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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