Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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