I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
