I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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