don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
