I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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