when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
