Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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