I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
