my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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