Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
