just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
As shirtless as possible
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize