i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
