I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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