hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
