she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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