worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize