And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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