even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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