What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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