i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
