mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
