he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
