Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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