I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
honey bunches of taint.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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