she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
