your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
